Fighting is usually associated with being a negative thing.

It typically implies that there’s a conflict or a disagreement of some sort.

When you hear the word “conflict”, you may immediately think of yelling, screaming, fighting, or punching.

Although conflict is more likely to be associated with a negative interaction, it doesn’t always have to be that way. There is such a thing as healthy conflict. In fact, healthy conflict is something that can better the existing relationships in your life even better, especially when you know how to engage in it.

Here are four ways to engage in healthy conflict for a better relationship.

1. Don’t Fight to Win

First things first, when you have a conflict, especially in a relationship, you should be working towards finding a mutual resolution, not fighting to win. You have to make sure that you’re saying how you feel but also listening to your partner’s wants and needs, which are just as important as your own wants and needs. The goals of engaging in healthy conflict should be finding a way to meet in the middle and learning how both of you can compromise. One partner shouldn’t feel like they’re giving while the other person is taking or vice versa.

2. Be Open and Honest With One Another

Communication is and always will be key in any of your relationships, no matter if it’s with a family member, a friend, a coworker, or a romantic partner. You should aim to be open and honest at all times, even when it may be something that is hard to discuss. You can’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you want something, you have to ask for it. If you need or expect something, you need to let your partner know your expectations so they can try to meet them. You and your partner should be willing and able to discuss both the positive areas in your relationship as well as the areas that may need a little improvement or extra help.

3. Consider Your Words and Body Language Carefully

When you get into a heated argument, it can be easy to let your emotions get in the way. Try not to do that. Make sure you’re thinking before you’re speaking and explaining how you’re feeling and thinking instead of playing the blame game. Try to use “I” statements instead of “You”. By being mindful and cautious of this slight word change, your partner won’t be as defensive if you tell them how you feel about something. For example, if you tell your partner, “I feel this way” versus “You make me feel this way”, your partner may be more receptive to working to ensure you don’t feel that way in the future instead of going into defense mode. In addition to your words, you can also be mindful of your body language. Make sure you’re giving your partner your full and undivided attention. This means putting away any distractions, leaning in, and fully listening to them.

4. Seek Additional Support

If you’re struggling to find common ground when it comes to conflict in your relationship, you’re not alone. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you and your partner aren’t good for one another or need to break up. It just means that you need a little extra help and support to get you on the right path. Reaching out to a licensed and trained mental health professional is a great way to help you and your partner. A therapy office can help provide a safe and secure environment. Plus, an outside third party is a great point person to help facilitate a healthy conversation when in conflict.

If you and your partner are interested in individual therapy, couples therapy, or a combination of the two, reach out to us today to set up a consultation for couples counseling.