Even though your past doesn’t define you, it does play a role in making you into the person you are today. The life experiences that you go through help shape you in many ways.
From the moment you’re born, the interactions that you have with your primary caregiver can impact how you form relationships and respond to certain things later in life.
If your needs were unmet as a child, you may experience a form of attachment trauma. Let’s learn more about the causes and types of attachment trauma.
What is Attachment Trauma?
Attachment trauma is a type of trauma that can occur when a child’s needs aren’t met by their primary caregiver. A healthy attachment happens when a caregiver provides a child with affection, attention, and support. A child with a healthy attachment feels like their needs are being met. An unhealthy attachment or attachment trauma means that there is a disruption that occurs in the bond between a primary caregiver and a child.
What Causes Attachment Trauma?
Most commonly, attachment trauma is associated with abuse or trauma, but it can also be caused by a lack of affection or attention from a primary caregiver. The exact cause of attachment trauma depends on the relationship between a child and their primary caregiver as well as the situation that they’re in. These are some of the most common causes of attachment trauma:
- Abandonment
- Death of a parent
- Divorce
- Domestic violence
- Emotional abuse
- History of mental or physical illness
- Intergenerational trauma
- Lack of boundaries
- Neglect
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
Signs of Attachment Trauma
Attachment trauma shows up in the form of an insecure attachment style. These are some of the most common signs of attachment trauma:
- Black or white thinking
- Control issues
- Difficulty getting close to others or letting others in
- Driving other people away
- Enmeshment
- Guilt
- Lack of trust in others
- Planning for the worst-case scenario
- Relationship issues
The Types of Attachment Trauma
Four different styles of attachment can occur between a child and their primary caregiver. One of the three is a healthy form of attachment. This is known as a secure attachment. A secure attachment means that a primary caregiver is supportive, and loving, and responds to the needs of a child in an appropriate time frame.
Now, let’s take a deeper dive into the remaining three unhealthy attachment styles.
Avoidant Attachment
An avoidant or dismissive attachment happens when a caregiver is more reactive rather than proactive toward a child. This attachment style will cause a child to avoid turning to their primary caregiver for support and even avoid showing their true emotions. As an adult, an avoidant attachment style can cause someone to distance themselves from or within relationships.
Anxious Attachment
An anxious attachment style is a resistant attachment style. This attachment style forms when a primary caregiver’s responsiveness is off and on. Their care may be unpredictable, which means a child will start to believe that their needs aren’t important or try to act out as a way for their primary caregiver to pay attention to them. As an adult, this style can cause someone to feel very insecure or seek constant reassurance in their relationships.
Disorganized Attachment
A disorganized attachment style is when a primary caregiver behaves in a way that can be frightening or unpredictable to a child. With this style of attachment, a child will have a fear of being abandoned or intimate. Someone with this attachment may crave being close to someone but then feel like they have to push them away to protect themself.
Next Steps
While you can’t control your attachment style and what happened in your past, you are in full control of your future. An attachment style is something that can be difficult to break, but it is possible to change it and pick up on healthier patterns. A mental health professional will be able to work with you to get to the root cause of your attachment and help you see the parts that make up a healthy relationship so you can apply them to your own life. Reach out today to set up a consultation.