Let’s play a game: Red flag vs. Green flag.
The game is simple. Put a red flag up for an unhealthy or problematic partner. And put a green flag up for a healthy and desirable partner.
Listening to you. Green flag.
Lying to you. Red flag.
Jealous and controlling. Red flag.
Talking about their feelings. Green flag.
Treating you and others well. Green flag.
Putting you down. Red flag.
You both have your own lives. Green flag.
So, how did you do? Would you be able to spot the difference between a healthy versus an unhealthy relationship? What if the relationship started with green flags but now they’re looking red?
A trauma-bonding relationship is kind of like this. One minute things are great, the next it’s like you’re with a completely different person.
Let’s learn more about trauma bonds and how they are caused.
What are Trauma Bonds?
The emotional bonds that are formed between an abuser and their victim after a repeated series of abuse or trauma are trauma bonds.
Trauma bonds are caused by the body’s natural response to stress. When the human body perceives a threat, a flight or fight response is triggered. This gives the body and brain time to assess the threat and figure out how to move forward.
In situations of long-term trauma, the parts of the brain that allow for long-term planning and risk analysis are shut off in order for it to focus on getting through the trauma.
What Causes a Trauma Bond?
It’s important to know that not everyone who experiences abuse or trauma develops a trauma bond. A trauma bond is formed when a victim starts to develop empathy for their abuser.
Trauma bonding can happen in romantic relationships, but it also can occur in other types of relationships as well. Here are some of the most common causes for the formation of trauma bonds:
- Child abuse
- Concentration camps
- Cults
- Domestic violence
- Elder abuse
- Fraternity or sorority hazing
- Human trafficking
- Kidnapping
- Military training
- Political torture
- Prisoners of War (POW)
- Sexual abuse
- Stockholm syndrome
Signs of Trauma Bonds
The main sign of trauma bonding is when a victim starts to defend the abuse that has occurred. These are a few of the other most common signs of trauma bonding:
- Agreeing with the abuser’s treatment
- Becoming defensive if someone tries to stop the abuse
- Covering up or making excuses for the abuser
- Distancing themselves from loved ones that are trying to help them
- Taking the blame for their abuser’s actions
- Unwilling to leave or break the bond
How to Break a Trauma Bond
Breaking a trauma bond is challenging, but it is possible with the right time, work, and attention. There are a few things you can do on your end to help start the process of breaking the trauma bond that has formed.
Focus on the present. Acknowledging what is currently happening can help you not get caught up in what you believed were good times from the past. It can also make sure you don’t get a sense of false hope or promises of better times in the future.
Try to incorporate self-care and positive self-talk in your day-to-day to boost your spirits again. Challenge those negative thoughts and feeling with positive mantras. Take some time to focus and prioritize yourself and your needs.
Next Steps
It may feel like you’re alone or that no one understands you, but help is available to you. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to go through this time alone either.
If you or someone you love is struggling with trauma bonding, it’s important to seek additional support as soon as you can. The road to recovery can be a long journey, but it will be worth it in the end.
You deserve to heal, move forward, and make your life yours again. Reach out to us today to set up a consultation for trauma therapy.