It is another sunny, Colorado summer. And we all know what that means; warm, breezy evenings at Denver breweries, camping, hikes, barbecues, and family reunions. Summer is the busiest season for family reunions outside of the holiday season. Summer reunions tend to involve extended family, who maybe you haven’t seen in years. Compared to a normal visit with family, Summer reunions tend to have an added pressure. I know when family reunions roll around for me, I feel pressure, dread, and even some fear.
It’s possible; you can survive your family reunion unscathed.
You may be debating whether or not to attend a family reunion this year. Like many others, maybe you are struggling with a political wedge in the family, family members who pepper you with personal questions, or an overbearing family member who suffocates you. No matter what you’re facing, you can make choices that create comfort and safety for yourself.
Having an exit strategy
Everyone has been there. You catch a ride with someone else to the gathering. You hit your limit and are ready to leave but you are stuck, literally.
You need an exit strategy. If you anticipate reaching your limit with your family and needing a way out, let’s plan ahead! Maybe that means you drive separately so you can leave whenever you are ready. Maybe you take a rideshare service to and from, setting the precedence that you’re in charge of your transportation. You could even have a friend, neighbor, roommate or partner come pick you up when you are ready. If you are attending a reunion out of state, see if there is a family member you would be comfortable forming an alliance with and agree on a timeline for when you’ll both be ready to leave.
Setting gentle (or not so gentle) boundaries
Whether you have just graduated and everyone is asking you what you are doing with your life, or you just went through a breakup and everyone just NEEDS the details, boundaries can help keep you feeling secure. Some might hear “boundaries” and think that sounds a little harsh as a response to curiosity from family. Well, boundaries don’t have to be harsh, even the ones that aren’t so gentle. If you are feeling that intrusive pressure from a family member, maybe it is time to establish a boundary around privacy.
How do I even set boundaries?
If you are struggling with setting and maintaining boundaries, that’s okay, you aren’t alone. There are resources on boundary setting that can be helpful in understanding where you might need boundaries in a relationship, and how to implement them effectively. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab is an excellent guide on boundaries. Tawwab makes boundaries simple and straightforward. Regarded as the “boundary bible,” this book does such an excellent job discussing boundaries that I won’t try to reinvent the wheel here. For even more resources on a variety of different subjects, check out our booklist here. These are books specifically selected by the therapists at Colorado CBT.
If you’re noticing dysfunction in your relationships, maybe someone is pushing up against boundaries or you notice uncomfortable feelings with a loved one (guilt, shame, responsibility for others’ emotions), it could be something worth addressing with the support of a professional. Individual therapy can provide the space for you to share your experiences, receive support and an outside perspective, and learn the tools for managing relationships without the discomfort. If you are in the Denver area, or Colorado in general, Colorado CBT has therapists waiting to help. Colorado CBT offers same week availability, in-person or telehealth services, and many providers are in-network with major insurance providers. Reach out today to begin your healing journey.